station, carefully 18thstreetlatinas making him an active partner in the whole undertaking,
even to checking his own bag.
Before he bought his own ticket he appealed once more to Dan.
"Look here! I feel like a fool 18thstreetlatinas going off with you on this expedition. Be
honest for once, now, Mavering, and tell me you've thought better of it,
and don't want me to go!"
"Yes--yes, I do. Oh yes, you've got to go. I I do want 18thstreetlatinas you. 18thstreetlatinas I--you make
me 18thstreetlatinas see things in just the right light, don't you know. That idea of yours
about little steps--it's braced me all up. Yes--"
"You're such an infernal humbug," said Boardman, "I can't tell whether you
18thstreetlatinas want me or not. But 18thstreetlatinas I'
m in for it now, and I'll go." Then he bought his
ticket.
XLV.
18thstreetlatinas boardman put himself in charge of Mavering, and took him into the smoking
car. It was impossible to indulge a poetic gloom there without becoming
unpleasantly conspicuous in the 18thstreetlatinas smoking and 18thstreetlatinas euchre and 18thstreetlatinas profanity. Some of
the men were silent and dull, but no one was apparently very unhappy, and
perhaps if Dan had dealt in absolute sincerity with himself, even he would
not have found himself wholly so. He did 18thstreetlatinas not feel as he had felt when
Alice rejected 18thstreetlatinas him. Then he was wounded to the quick 18thstreetlatinas through his vanity,
and 18thstreetlatinas now; in spite of all, in spite of the involuntary tender swaying of
his heart toward her through the mere force of habit, in spite of some
remote compunctions for his want of 18thstreetlatinas candour with her, he was supported by
a sense of her injustice, her hardness. Related with this was an obscure
sense of escape, of liberation, which, however he might silence and disown
it, was still there. He could not help being aware that he had long
relinquished tastes 18thstreetlatinas customs, purposes, ideals, to gain a peace that seemed
more and more fleeting and uncertain, and that he had submitted to 18thstreetlatinas others
which, now that 18thstreetlatinas the moment of giving pleasure 18thstreetlatinas by his submission was past,
he recognised as disagreeable. He felt a sort of guilt in his
enlargement; he knew, by all that he had, ever heard or read of people in
his position, 18thstreetlatinas that he ought to be altogether miserable; and yet this
consciousness 18thstreetlatinas of relief persisted. He told himself that a very tragical
thing had befallen him; that this broken engagement was the ruin of his
life
and the end of his youth, and that he must live on 18thstreetlatinas an old 18thstreetlatinas and 18thstreetlatinas joyless
man, wise 18thstreetlatinas with the knowledge that comes to decrepitude and despair; he
imagined a certain look for himself, a gait, a name, that would express